I hate that I cry

So this morning a friend got very sick in class and had to go to the hospital and during all the confusion of trying to get the EMS there and oxygen tanks and defib machines and trying to get people at the fucking nursing school (which i call clown school cause everyone there is sooo fucking trisomy) to help…. But I realized I am not good under pressure. I was fighting back tears the whole time and my body and voice shook. When she was finally taken to the hospital I burst into tears with worry and sheer rage over the inefficency of this schools response to a medical emergency…

I always think I am so strong but in reality I’m not, and that makes me mad. I was paralyzed with every kind of emotion and it was horrifying not being able to control them… I wish I were stronger an this experience has made me so frustrated with my weakness, I’m more a child than woman and that is not where I had hoped to be at 25 years old.

I hate you

santa ana winds that is!

although we don’t get those here in atlanta, i think her cousin was here visiting yesterday . . . that is the only way i can explain my horrible horrible emotional roller coaster day.

yesterday i woke up full of promise. i was cheerful and it was early (9:30) and i was prepared to spend the morning garage saling and getting all kinds of charming things for my new house. there was nary a sale to be found so i came back wth my blood simmering . . . it would boil over soon enough.

set up some laundry then tried to do work – that regressed to intermittent napping, weeping and watching Ever After and Love Actually (neither movie made me feel any better). Then my crying and craziness turned to incredible rage – i couldn’t figure out at what i was so pissed off at. i showered to cool myself down – but i was still furious. i went to CVS, and almost killed the sales clerk there because she kept insisting i get a CVS card.

i went home and went back to sleep – the Rage left, and then i was just feeling sad a alone. Next up, lulu and i went to a party down the road. We tried hard to be social and not condescending and bitchy – but it didn’t go too well. we were both in such foul moods that we ended up sitting for most of the time on the front stoop – just the two of us – talking about all manner of sad, personal things. not the most appropriate place to have a heart to heart, but whatever.

i drank WAY too much and woke up this morning feeling like my head had been used as a soccer ball – BUT! seems as though the funk is gone (yay!). i am actually cheerful today, and not ready to cry/punch a hole in the wall. i cleaned, did some homework and danced a bit with tammy in my new (empty) living room. now im off to meet up with lulu for some planting . . . i have a good feeling that today wont end on the same miserable note as yesterday (i haven’t cried once! yipee!!)

xoxoxo, TBQ

Current mood

Lessons

Just heard a story from a much loved friend that threw me into a RAGE. so listen up friends- do not run errands for an old lover who has a history of treating you like shit…that is all.

Fear Mongering Fox

Ok, i  hate this kind of ridiculous fear mongering . . .

Georgia on my mind

maybe bush should stop yucking it up at the olympics and do his job and like help stop that pesky little war that has so far killed 1500 people??