I hate that I cry

So this morning a friend got very sick in class and had to go to the hospital and during all the confusion of trying to get the EMS there and oxygen tanks and defib machines and trying to get people at the fucking nursing school (which i call clown school cause everyone there is sooo fucking trisomy) to help…. But I realized I am not good under pressure. I was fighting back tears the whole time and my body and voice shook. When she was finally taken to the hospital I burst into tears with worry and sheer rage over the inefficency of this schools response to a medical emergency…

I always think I am so strong but in reality I’m not, and that makes me mad. I was paralyzed with every kind of emotion and it was horrifying not being able to control them… I wish I were stronger an this experience has made me so frustrated with my weakness, I’m more a child than woman and that is not where I had hoped to be at 25 years old.